I took time to open up my Myspace account yesterday, after a few months that it had just been there (it still had my location as Makati City, Philippines). Being new to the webpage changes, it took me a while to realize that there had been five people sending IM's to me. Since I was bored to death at work, I decided to talk to some of them. I never replied to the (dareIsayit) boring ones, but there was this one guy who simply wanted a good conversation. He is an American living in the Philippines, and I was happy to hear about my country from a foreign perspective.

It was a bit surprising that he did not like his mother country at all, and it was probably one of the reasons why he just had to leave. He told me about how he loved the Philippines and everything about it. He even knew more about Philippine history than I did. And it was a bit surprising that he knew stuff about Phil-American history that we never knew in school. I couldn't really remember how everything went, but I realized how some powerful countries like the US can also have its moments of crisis. It's just not so blatant with the media focusing on other different things which make the US one of the most famous in almost every aspect.

US was my dream place, but my reasons were as shallow as it could get. I simply wanted to live there hoping I'll catch up on the Hollywood lifestyle (Lol) and because it seemed like people were so laid back and still pretty content with their lives. I also wanted to finish studying there because an American university diploma is recognized across the globe. But clearly that is just one side of it, everything else is under a facade. With the recession eating up the state's financial assets and treasuries, this country is prone to facing economic decline. With the small percentage of employed citizens today and the growing number of citizens looking at being a celebrity or a reality star to make a living, you cannot help but think how this country will survive with very few people who really care for it.

I do not have anything against this country. I actually admire the US for being so crafted in many different fields. However, these professions that they have certainly mastered in would not be enough to keep the country running in a primal state. It is in need of a strong government and citizens involved enough to make recession a used to be or a never was. Every country needs this.

I hope that like this guy I've talked to yesterday, I will come to really love and appreciate my country. So far, I am in a 50-50 situation just looking at how my country is bound to fail any minute. Then I realized that citizens like me happen to be the persons responsible why my country had to struggle even if we had so much to offer. I guess you'll never know how your country needs you unless you actually went out of the place and saw what was happening. And after all that my culture has well molded me into, I could not believe that this was how I repaid my country. I know now I should have known better.

~~~

This is STUDYING. Lol.

Evening of Excellence: University of Manitoba.

This picture was taken at the Zoo. On Thanksgiving day or eat-all-you-can day.


The people responsible for making me really healthy. Haha.


Uh-oh.

Halloween Dance, but didn't really "dance". Haha.

My friends are going to kill me for posting their pictures. Haha.

Will update soon, I'm getting tired of my layout that's been there for 4 months. Haha. Ciao.

I told myself I'm only going to buy a bottle of perfume. I ended up buying completely different things to feed to my old loot of so-called makeup.

Completely fell in love with this. Not sure if this is the shade I bought though, I need to use colors that will stand up against the harsh cold weather. This blush on stayed on my face for a whole day, which rarely happens at all with other blush-ons. I think I bought the Lovejoy shade.


Since I would probably be the only person who's going to hate lipstick for the rest of her life. I've stacked up on a really dependable lipgloss, and this is what I got.



Liquid eyeliner. Not as good as what FaceShop has, but gives really good definition and evens out well.

This is my favorite. Colorful palettes have always been my favorite, and this one wasn't so expensive, so I thought it was a really good buy. This has 84 eyeshadows, 3 blushes, 60 lipgloss shades, and some brushes. Hope it doesn't freeze up over the winter though.

I still have a loooong wishlist for the things I want, though. However, I really need to save up so I must limit everything. My dad even scolded me for buying these products, and I felt bad buying them. I need to stop buying stuff, stat.

Anyway just wanted to share.

Hope you all had a wonderful (err, scary?) Halloween.

I have never gotten so much thought to contemplate about my religion, until now. I always used to say I was agnostic, that I doubted the precursors and restrictions you have to live by just to ensure your life after death is at peace. For me it was almost like following a certain trend for you to be accepted, and cliche begs to attest to that. We always count on being ourselves, but why is it that in the question of our faith, we could never turn to our own judgment?

It bothers me to say that I have studied in a highly religious institution, and years later, I've found myself contradicting the beliefs that I was mostly molded in. I've stopped going to church, stopped praying before and after meals, stopped holding the rosary, stopped knowing the feast days of the saints, clearly stopped looking into things that were believed to be connected to God.

However, I have never stopped believing. I never will.

I will admit that there have been times that I have completely lost belief of a higher being. It just doesn't come around too much to forever depend on the hypothesis that someone divine truly exists. Add it up with a thousand and one problems that never seem to go away even if you begged for them to disappear. Once or twice in my life, I have put my faith to rest, I have sent it on hiatus, but then again, who doesn't experience this in a lifetime?

For some, it may seem that I have completely withdrawn my faith by opting out of performing rituals and traditions my religion is accustomed to do. Therefore, I am not a true blooded Christian. I am a traitor. I am a fraud. I am a coward. I am judged by my sole decision to just believe in a divine being and not commit myself to actions that define or solidify my faith. These people judge me, and yet do they know that faith does not rely on judgment?

It is almost like this conception we have that a rock-inclined person should always be associated with black band t-shirts and eyeliners when the actual people who appreciate the genre actually just looks like normal people. And people who are very much into their faith prefer to carry a bible, wear a rosary on their necks (which is blasphemy, btw), and attend church when they have to when the actual believers look just like actual human beings. And if I very well know that my faith is existent, why do I need to do all these things just so I could be judged the same way as they would be?

I may be an outcast, because I chose to isolate myself from the conventional things that give definition to my spirituality. But I have never judged people who have been faithful to God all their lives, and chose to neglect their faith when a misfortune happens to them. I have never judged people who chose not to work as they have depended their well-being and stability upon the grace of God. I have never judged people who use God's name to punish the people they despise even if they know that God will never be associated to hatred.

I know how my faith leads me to my actions, and I do not need to show to people that I am a devout to prove it. I know that God knows I am faithful, and I need not a big cross or a halo up my head to verify it. I will find my own way to live up to my faith.